Holiday Honey Do List

By: Joseph Norman

Trouble figuring out what to do with yourself this holiday season? Does free time from your day job leave you in front of the television, puzzled about what to do next? Well, here's your Holiday Honey Do List to end your year right!

Forget working out, play Wii Fit. Who needs to fulfill that New Year's Resolution with an actual membership to the gym? The average person pays about $100 per month for a gym membership and only goes once every two weeks! Buy yourself a Nintendo Wii and save yourself the guilt.

Join Facebook. College students waste all kinds of time on social networking sites like Facebook. Why can't everyday working professionals as well?

Park your car in a snow bank. I tried this one about a week and a half ago. It gave me at least 36 hours of pure enjoyment. Please note, this may result in unexpected nature hikes back to your apartment, inability to use some of your extremities for a short period of time (i.e. your hands), and the opportunity to use heavy construction equipment to dig your automobile out.

Return unwanted gifts. You know you want to. Just chalk it up, be honest, and ask for the receipt. The money will probably be more useful to you anyway. Worst case, re-gift it or sell it on Craig's List!

Movie marathons. Rocky, Rambo, and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy are personal favorites. Take a few days, forget showering, and watch movies until your eyes go bloodshot or you can't stand your own stink anymore. It's as fantastic as it sounds. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself!

Travel to a foreign country. Ben just left for Chile for a week and a half. Ever thought about leaving America behind and taking the next plane to Japan? Some advise planning an excursion like this, I recommend spontaneity. Japan too scary? How about Mexico or Canada?

Organize a Nude Resolution 5k. Why are so many people against streaking? Is it a legal thing? Even more of a reason to organize an all nude 5k! Mix it up and give the people a little something different to get excited about. Feeling philanthropic? Donate the proceeds!

Build a snow fort. Upon completing your movie marathon, you may want to try to build a replica of a structure in the Battle of Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers or an Afghan village from Rambo 3.

Put on your Sunday best, than go to McDonalds. Enjoy some sophisticated banter with the staff about the seasonal Egg Nog shake, savor the flavor of an Oreo McFlurry, or pick something up off the value menu.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Sprinkling in an occasional slice of ridiculousness into your life is just as important as closing that next deal. Smile big, laugh hard, and enjoy yourself!

May you and yours have a fantastic start to the New Year!

Reindeer

This week I pinned down Santa's reindeer for an interview as they were making their rounds. Seven of the eight reindeer are subscribers to this newsletter and voraciously read our work every week to help improve themselves.

Please give these VIPs your undivided attention as they lay out their philosophies of success, their thoughts on the holidays and their suggestions to you in this exclusive interview! - Ben

How do you define success?
Dasher: I define success as executing a good prank on Santa. He is getting old, so it is becoming easier and easier. I also think that success is doing what you want to do every single day.

If you could snap your fingers and create anything, what would it be?
Dancer: I would create an electrically run sled for Santa Clause. You would think in the days of YouTube and Google that we would be able to do something like this.

What is the next step for you now that the holiday season is coming to a close?
Prancer: First we are all going to get some garbage plates (for you Western New Yorkers). After that we are headed to Hawaii.

Where is Rudolph right now?
Vixen: We pushed him out of his harness over the Gulf of Mexico.

There have been rumors circulating in the media, including an article in the New York Times last week that you have been using antler extenders. Is this true?
Comet: No comment.

If one would like to join your ranks, what would be required?
Cupid: Well first if anyone reading wants to join, they have to submit an application. If you email my assistant at Bulinda@cupid-the-reindeer.com she can set you up with an application. After that you will have to go through an intense 6 week reindeer boot camp program. If an applicant passes that, they are basically in.

What is your favorite quote?
Donder: "And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss

What is some of the most inspirational and informative literature you have ever read?
Blitzen: First and foremost, it would be Bigger Impact Weekly. You guys do a great job. Secondly, I would have to say I've been getting a lot out of the Oprah Book Club recently.

What piece of advice would you give to our readers?
Dasher: I would advise them to make a list and send it to Santa right now for the 2009 holiday season. It takes the elves a long time to process the lists and sometimes there are errors made with late lists.