Being a Social Person

By: Joseph Norman

“At the end of the day, if we don’t stick together, we’ll die alone.” - Horatio Caine in CSI: Miami

Your success is in large part leveraged to your ability to be a stand up, social person. I’m not necessarily talking about networking or relationship maintenance, but rather making an impact on people in social settings without an attachment to a desired result.

For example, let’s take a look at a classic scenario which we probably experience at least once a day. How are you interacting with cashiers? Are you showering them with bad vibes because you’re having a tough day? Do you even answer when they ask you, “How are you today?”

My guess is this. You’re probably just polite enough to feel content with the interaction. In other words, you aren’t necessarily present in the conversation and odds are you really aren’t that concerned with how that cashier’s day is really going. Today I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to go out of your way to make people smile. This situation is an opportunity to test your ability to be a stand up, social person.

What does it mean to be a “stand up, social person?” I’m sure you already know the conventional definition of being social, so we don’t need to dig into that. But, it’s important to explore what it means to be a “stand up” person because that’s not discussed as often.

When I say “stand up,” I don’t mean picking fights with people if they give you a nasty look or have differing opinions from you. Instead, I’m talking about doing the right thing in a situation, even if it goes against the norm. That could be anything from helping someone pick up the papers they dropped or asking a cashier how her day is and meaning it. That means more to someone than you realize. Having the confidence to go against the grain because it is the right thing to do, is what being a stand up person is all about.

Recently, I’ve been having fun by giving cashiers high fives. It's a little silly, I know. But, I simply do it to break their routine and put a smile on their face. Find your own unique way of making an impact and be aware of your surroundings.

What this all comes back to is opening yourself up to other people. Some are more introverted than others, and less “social," which is okay. But the truth is that a key to our fulfillment as human beings is the ability to establish meaningful connections. Your efforts to be a stand up, social person are going to help you fill that need. So, smile at strangers, start conversations with people you don’t know, and enjoy and appreciate the human element of the world we live in. You’ll be a better person for it.

Wherever You Are, Be There

By: Joseph Norman

"Each and everyday is what you make so try and always be right there." - Christine Baze

This is a brief missive about capturing each and every moment we live everyday. Are you often distracted? Sometimes, do you feel like even though you're there, you're not really there? Are you riding on the bus of your life, rather then driving it?

You know the look in someone's eyes when they are aloof or disengaged. It's glazed over and distant. You talk to them and you know that they're not completely there. How does that make you feel? On the flip side, when you're in conversation and you feel your mind drifting away, the voice of the person you are talking to becoming the background music to your daydream...

Are you being true to that moment?

Capturing moments like these is a way to find more fulfillment in your life. It's about feeling and experiencing the energy and vitality in your interactions with the world.

What are the feelings you get when you encounter a truly radiant person that is absolutely in the moment? Someone that you can just tell is right there feeling, loving, and appreciating the experience of the now. I've been blessed with the opportunity to interact with a few of them recently and here are my thoughts.

Interacting with a radiant person is a powerful experience because it challenges you to be there too and frightens you because you don't want to be blown out. You want to hold your ground.

This ability to be present is a rare quality, but it's one that can be truly profound in your interactions. Don't underestimate it. Hone it by taking a few steps.

Commit yourself to being there. Simply open yourself up to experiencing the moment fully by giving yourself permission to. Allow yourself to let the insecurities, doubts, worries, and distractions fall away. That self talk will put you in the right frame of mind.

Get out of your head and into your body. It is far too easy to over think the moment. Instead, feel yourself there and in it. Breathe into your body and let yourself experience it.

Go with the flow. Don't oversell the situation or stress out over a desired outcome. Enjoy it for what it is. That could be as simple as deep eye contact and a smile to a passerby.

Please note that the ability to live in the moment is not a hard science. It's a rather ethereal concept that cannot be mastered by a strict formula. My thoughts here are only suggestions inspired by how I try to let myself be present. I hope they help you live your days just a little bit better.

Holiday Honey Do List

By: Joseph Norman

Trouble figuring out what to do with yourself this holiday season? Does free time from your day job leave you in front of the television, puzzled about what to do next? Well, here's your Holiday Honey Do List to end your year right!

Forget working out, play Wii Fit. Who needs to fulfill that New Year's Resolution with an actual membership to the gym? The average person pays about $100 per month for a gym membership and only goes once every two weeks! Buy yourself a Nintendo Wii and save yourself the guilt.

Join Facebook. College students waste all kinds of time on social networking sites like Facebook. Why can't everyday working professionals as well?

Park your car in a snow bank. I tried this one about a week and a half ago. It gave me at least 36 hours of pure enjoyment. Please note, this may result in unexpected nature hikes back to your apartment, inability to use some of your extremities for a short period of time (i.e. your hands), and the opportunity to use heavy construction equipment to dig your automobile out.

Return unwanted gifts. You know you want to. Just chalk it up, be honest, and ask for the receipt. The money will probably be more useful to you anyway. Worst case, re-gift it or sell it on Craig's List!

Movie marathons. Rocky, Rambo, and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy are personal favorites. Take a few days, forget showering, and watch movies until your eyes go bloodshot or you can't stand your own stink anymore. It's as fantastic as it sounds. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself!

Travel to a foreign country. Ben just left for Chile for a week and a half. Ever thought about leaving America behind and taking the next plane to Japan? Some advise planning an excursion like this, I recommend spontaneity. Japan too scary? How about Mexico or Canada?

Organize a Nude Resolution 5k. Why are so many people against streaking? Is it a legal thing? Even more of a reason to organize an all nude 5k! Mix it up and give the people a little something different to get excited about. Feeling philanthropic? Donate the proceeds!

Build a snow fort. Upon completing your movie marathon, you may want to try to build a replica of a structure in the Battle of Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers or an Afghan village from Rambo 3.

Put on your Sunday best, than go to McDonalds. Enjoy some sophisticated banter with the staff about the seasonal Egg Nog shake, savor the flavor of an Oreo McFlurry, or pick something up off the value menu.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Sprinkling in an occasional slice of ridiculousness into your life is just as important as closing that next deal. Smile big, laugh hard, and enjoy yourself!

May you and yours have a fantastic start to the New Year!

Embracing Fear

By: Joseph Norman

Fear. It’s everywhere. We see it on the television when we come home from work. We hear it from media pundits in regards to our nation’s political and economic environment. For some, it leaves their guts in disarray when they contemplate how they are going to pay the bills this month. One way or another, fear pervades our lives. But, what I’m here to say today is that it doesn’t have to control you.

Fear, like the rest of your emotions, can be mastered. By that I do not mean avoided, simply harnessed for the good it has within it. You see all of the emotions we feel, good or bad, have an intention. It might be easy to assume that good feelings have positive intentions while bad feelings are meant to leave us distressed or discomforted. However, I would argue that all emotions ultimately have a positive intention.

You see, through our own fears we develop the will power to succeed. We get thrown against the wall and pressed harder and harder until we either break or start pushing back. A truth about the human spirit though, is that we never have to break. We can always, and I truly mean always, rise to the occasion.

So, I must ask, “What are you afraid of?” Write a list of five things that currently weigh on your mind and in your gut. I’m not talking about societal insecurities, but rather the highly personal fears that are ruling your daily activities. Mastering them will be a powerful stepping stone for you.

Now, how does one master their fears?

Acknowledge its presence. Often we deny the fear. The problem with denial is that it never leads to a solution. In fact, it only perpetuates the feeling in your life. As Carl Jung knowingly said, “What you resist persists.”

Embrace it. Breathe it deep into your body and really feel that it is there. Calmly, like a tranquil lake, become fully aware of the depth of the fear’s existence within you. The objective here is to clear the fog in your mind that envelopes the fear and causes your resistance.

Thank it for being there. As corny as this may sound, literally say, “Thank you,” to it. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way when it comes to understanding our own fears and insecurities.

Examine it. Ask it what its intention is for you. What does it want you to do? What is it stopping you from doing? Why might it be wrong? Why might it be right? Is why it might be right a reasonable answer or a complete farce?

Visualize beyond it. Imagine a day without that fear. If there were a miracle tonight while you sleep and dream, such that when you wake up in the morning everything about this part of your life is resolved, how would you feel? What would you see? Experience? How would you know that this miracle had taken place?

Brainstorm solutions. Now that you’ve seen, felt, and experienced a day beyond this particular fear, you have opened your mind to new possibilities. Explore them!

Rinse and repeat. Take the time to repeat this process until you feel complete control over the fear you worked on. Then, try it with the others.

Take control of your life. Become conscious of the emotions pervading your mind and body. Accept them and heed their advice!

Life Lessons from Horatio Caine

By: Joseph Norman

We all have our shows on television that we just can't miss. For some, it's 24. Jack Bauer is brilliant and so damn honorable. Others get a kick out of reality TV; American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. They love having the foresight to pick a David Cook from the beginning, or the stubbornness to insist that Kristi Yamaguchi should not have won in 2008. For me, it's CSI: Miami and the character Horatio Caine, played by the one and only David Caruso.

In an interview with the cast of CSI: Miami on the CBS Early Show, David admits the secret behind his scenes; "The glasses are very important, but it's how you enter the frame, deliver the line, and exit the frame." (CBS Early Show Clip). Jim Carrey, in a David Letterman interview confessed his captivation with Horatio's ability to "put the button on those scenes." (Jim Carrey Video) So, having watched countless episodes and vigorous YouTube videos, here's what you need to know about commanding a presence like Horatio Caine.

Speak low and slow. There is so much power held in the deliberate whisperer's use of their voice. You lean in so you can understand what they're saying and all the sudden you're in a near trance, with all your undivided attention on the speaker. That's how you get somebody to really listen.

Gain trust. Horatio's dedication to his code to "protect and serve" enables him to always be the good cop. People trust him because he's true to himself and the case he's working on. Win people's trust and you'll win their hearts.

Body language is everything. Horatio always cocks his head slightly, showing signs of deep contemplation, and delivers a penetrating gaze, but in a soft way. He never quite looks right at you which creates comfort, but also mystery. You can't help but come back for more.

Deliver memorable one-liners. "I am going to get to the truth." "Looks like we've found our man." "It looks like Miami has a new breed of criminal." "The verdict is in Frank, but the jury is out." "Looks like somebody had a bad day." Being memorable with your word choice and references always makes an impression. Adopt your own sayings and start to sprinkle them into your conversations. Subtly irony works wonders as well. (Some classics...)

Pause uncomfortably long. There's an incredible amount of tension created by deliberate pausing. You're listening to someone speak then all of the sudden they pause mid-sentence. You can't say anything because it would cut them off, but you also know they're not finished yet so you don't want to walk away. It truly creates magic and exercises your completely control of the conversation.

Use props. For Horatio it is the sunglasses. Adopt your own style and use it to spice up your life. It could be a certain piece of jewelry, a way you wear a particular type of clothing, or always having on fantastic shoes. Single out a part of your appearance, kick it up a notch, and make it memorable.

Make your point and walk away. Don't wait for a comeback. Nearly every scene that Horatio is in, he finishes, leaving no room for a rebuttal. The lesson: Always leave people wanting more. It keeps them coming back.

Who says we can't learn a thing or two from pop culture television? Tap into your inner Horatio Caine this week and see what kind of difference it makes in your life. Even if it's just for a few laughs.

Clarity

By: Joseph Norman

Do you have a place where you think? And, I mean really think. A place where you can ask yourself the tough questions like, “What are you doing with your life? Why are you doing it? Who are you serving?”

We all need to answer these questions consistently in our lives to give us clarity in our direction. Your spot could be a particular chair in your office, a vacation home you or your family has, or even a bench at your favorite park. If you don’t have one, find one! For me, it is the chaise lounge in my bedroom and I’m usually accompanied by candle light. Mood lighting may help you as well!

Why is this important?

The truth is not enough people really think about what they’re doing. We are all guilty off it more often then not. We run a path with reckless abandon because we think that’s what we want. When, in fact, over time we change and desire new things and fresh direction for our life.

Think about this natural phenomenon. A hiker is walking through the woods without a compass. He gets lost and cannot find his way. Everything looks the same so he just keeps walking, waiting for something to strike his memory and provide him with clarity for how he can get home. But, a funny thing happens as this man keeps walking. The earth’s rotation, as slight as it is, causes the man to travel in circles without him even knowing it!

Without stopping to think or use some tools, this hiker could be walking in circles for days. In our own lives we may do this for months or even years without stopping to really think! But, we keep walking…feeling lost and unfulfilled.

Once you have found your place to really think, you now need some ammunition to take advantage the greatest tool we as humans have, our minds! Here are some questions you may find helpful to prevent you from walking in circles your whole life. I’ve picked them up from mentors, business associates and from my personal studies of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics Programming).

If money were no option, what would I be doing? Who would I be helping? How would I be helping them?

What is it I really want in my life? (Some categories: Health, Money, Business, Relationships, Material Things, Living Environment). How will you know when you’ve got it? What will you see? Hear? Feel? Believe? Experience?

What would you want if you knew you couldn’t fail? What would you want if you knew it was ok to fail?

What would you want if it didn’t have to mean anything about you? (Reputation, etc.) What would you want if you knew nothing bad would happen as a result of getting it?

Are you in line with your goals and desires? How can you get back on track?

My challenge to you this week is to give yourself an opportunity to answer some of these questions. Don’t burden yourself with a time limit; just let your mind run free with a pen and pad of paper in hand. Keep yourself from filtering your answers as well! Don’t let your subconscious foil your own unique ability to dream up the life you’ve always wanted.

Know that it is okay to want what you want. It is an authentic expression of who you are so embrace and celebrate it! Get clarity on the person you want to become and don't let complacency get in your way!

Mary Grace Dixon

What is your definition of success?

MGD: My definition of success is one’s ability to reflect on what they have accomplished and feeling that they made an impact (good or bad). However, I also feel that success is never final because there is always room for improvement. This is why I would call something I have accomplished a “marking point” rather than a success, telling me I can move on to my next challenge.

If you could pass any bit of information or one piece of advice onto the world, what would it be?

MGD: There is so much advice I want to give, I’m going to be a teacher remember?

-Never doubt what you are capable of accomplishing. You may not know until you are presented with a challenge, but reflect knowing you did the best you could.

-Think before you speak, one that I have learned the hard way many times.

-Always have a clean pair of dress pants in your closet.

-Never make assumptions based on what others tell you. Learn for yourself.

-Read books. When you have finished one, start another.

-Learn to cook one or two dishes very well.

-Smile as much as you can.

-Laughter really is the best medicine.

-Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be a goofball sometimes.

-Listen to your mother. She is almost always right.

What do you consider your greatest personal strength? Weakness?

MGD: One of my greatest strengths would have to be my compassion. I love making people feel good about themselves and helping them through difficult times. It is a trait I have been fortunate enough to inherit from my mother. It also works as one of my weaknesses, I am often too involved and feel that I have failed when I do not solve someone else’s problems. I need to learn to let go at times.

Having known you for many years now and knowing that you are about to begin your career in elementary and special education, tell me a little bit about your background in and your passion for helping people with disabilities.

MGD: I graduated high school well aware of my abilities when it came to working with children. Not sure if I wanted to pursue that pathway at the time, I began my fall 2004 semester at Broome Community College with a goal of being an educator, but not sure of what kind. I contemplated high school Spanish, History and English, all of which I was never really passionate about, just good at. As I was taking classes, I had a mess of odd jobs that were nothing more than a paycheck to me. It was when my older brother Chris moved back to Binghamton to begin a position at Community Options, Inc., and was looking for help that I began to get some clarity.

This company’s mission is to develop long and short term goals for adults with disabilities that ultimately make them independent members of society. They needed more staff to be trained to work with the individuals in accomplishing their goals, so I thought I’d try it. It was then I realized my passion, I loved every minute I spent with these adults. I left everyday knowing I made a difference in someone’s life. Was it difficult? Sometimes difficult was not strong enough of a word, but I never felt defeated. That’s how I knew that this was something I needed to pursue for the rest of my life. After that, I transferred to SUNY Geneseo and enrolled in their rigorous program, still loving every new experience and constantly seeking more information. I substitute at Community Options when I am home, and also work at Broome/Tioga BOCES. I learn something new every time I work with a child or an adult with a disability, which to me is what being an educator is all about: lifelong learning.

What are some of your short term and mid term goals?

MGD: A short term goal of mine would be to complete student teaching, which is roughly two weeks from now, and graduate in May. I also plan to start applying for teaching positions and to graduate schools in January; the earlier the better. By next fall, I hope to be teaching or in graduate school, but hopefully both. Long term goals for me are slightly more arbitrary, I never like to plan too far ahead because I feel it may distract from new opportunities I didn’t plan on. Ultimately I want to be teaching, married, and have children of course but putting a time frame on it would personally make me feel pressured to meet that goal and possibly settle if I were to be at that “goal point” in my life, and settling to me is unacceptable.

Who are three people from any time period that you would like to meet?

MGD: The first would be Carol Burnett, a woman who truly finds humor in all walks of life. Another would be Temple Grandin, a woman who is a major advocate for awareness and acceptance of individuals with Autism. Lastly, I would want to meet John Lennon, a revolutionary through his music.

What are some of your favorite books? Quotes?

MGD: Books: “Thinking in Pictures” and “Animals in Translation” by Temple Grandin. She reveals her life as a woman with Autism and how she and the rest of the Autistic community see the world. I will also forever love the Harry Potter series. Living vicariously through Harry’s life for a few chapters at a time pretty much got me through high school. Lastly, “Educating Esme” by Esme Raji Codell is a personal favorite. In her book, Codell writes about her first year as a teacher in an impoverished area and I feel it should be required reading among elementary education majors.

Quotes: “Go confidently in pursuit of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”-Henry David Thoreau

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”-Ferris Bueller

“Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted”-John Lennon

Final thoughts?

MGD: Do what you love and settle for nothing less.

Mary Grace Dixon

SUNY Geneseo '09

Elementary / Special Education