Challenges and Choices

By: Joseph Norman

People get sick. They go broke. They lose their jobs. They get divorced. They struggle with physical or emotional pains. They grow up in the "wrong part of town." They go hungry. They experience the death of a loved one.

As beautiful as life is, it challenges us. It stares us in the face and tests us to be better people.

Life isn't always graceful and fate often proves to be a fickle friend. But, it's not always the circumstance that matters the most, but rather the choices we make in response to the cards we're dealt. You must ask yourself, "Is it the beginning or is it the end?" Your answer defines your destiny.

Are you facing some challenges right now?

Here are some ideas that might help you get through them a little easier.

Talk to a close friend or family member about how you are feeling or what you are experiencing. Once you get a grip on what you're going through yourself, share it with others so you can get a new perspective on the matter. They may have already gone through the same problem in their own life and their insights could be invaluable to you.

Accept the situation for what it is, but don't be quick to accept defeat. Tim Robbins' character in the movie Shawshank Redemption said; "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And, no good thing ever dies." There's always a silver lining and victory is always for the persistent.

Know that failure is often just a stepping stone towards success. When we fail, we learn lessons winning could never teach us. Don't ever expect failure, but embrace it if it happens. Often, it is a blessing in disguise.

Pain is temporary, pride is forever. Your long term satisfaction will far outweigh the short term sacrifices you may be making (or forced to make).

Be true to yourself. Face your problems with integrity and you will never be ashamed to look at the face you see in the mirror. Taking care of that person is the most important part of facing any challenge.

Above all, believe in yourself. At the end of the day, you're a great person. You deserve to have a life of prosperity and happiness. Remember that you can create these pleasures with a simple change in your attitude.

Challenges present themselves in our lives on a daily basis, but it's the choices we make in response to them which create our realities. Life is all about perspective.

Daniel Wallace

Daniel grew up in Detroit, Michigan, in a family oriented environment. His move to Rochester came on the wings of starting fresh in a new place, knowing only a few people. This posed its own unique challenges for Dan, but he has since come to find Rochester his new home. Ben and I, like many other Rochesterians, have come to know Dan primarily through his work with the Democrat and Chronicle newspaper. In his short tenure he has been able to increase advocacy for young professionals making their mark in the community by delivering a weekly column, On The Ladder, for nearly a year now. Recently, while maintaining his commitment to On The Ladder, he has shifted some time and energy to articles on ecology. It is an honor and a pleasure to feature some of his story and insights. ~Joseph

Where did your interest in journalism begin?

I graduated from Cass Technical High School in 2001. Growing up I heard so much about lay offs that I wanted to pursue a career that was in high demand. So, in the beginning I started in computer programming. That became my curriculum throughout high school, so I was never really exposed to journalism. After a short time though, I realized that I wasn’t really into computer programming. But, I stuck with it because I was studying more the business side. This ended up getting me into a club, Business Professionals of America.

I was a part of that club for a couple of years, so my senior year I ran for President and I got it! At that point I realized that I really liked talking in front of other people and I enjoyed dressing up. So, I saw myself in public broadcasting…even though I hadn’t taken any journalism classes.

When it was time to get ready to go to college, the decision was difficult. I really wanted to go to the University of Michigan, but the tuition was just so expensive. Meanwhile, my best friend was going to Michigan State, but it just didn’t make sense for me to go there either. Even though I got into both places, I realized that the cost was just too much.

There was one scholarship though that I carried in my backpack for nearly the entire year because I never thought I could get it. But, after applying for so many others and not getting enough money to attend the University of Michigan, I went for the scholarship, a full ride to Wayne State University in Detroit, and got it. So, I went there. It wasn’t my first choice, but it was a full ride. In fact, I didn’t know how hard the school was until I got there.

I had this one professor there that was just so tough. My freshman year I took a course with him and gained his respect, but then my junior year I had him again. There was this one paper which I wrote for him that I really goofed up on. I just had so much work that semester. I had a night job so I was working from 11 PM to 7 AM, I had a small internship at the paper, and I had classes. I wrote this paper, didn’t proof read it, and just handed it in. To make a long story short he shared it with all of my professors. I realized that something was wrong when all of my teachers started to kind of gang up on me. They got really tough. Then one day, another one of my professors pulled me aside and shared with me that my one professor shared that paper with all of them. After that I had to work really hard to regain their respect.

By the end of the year, the professor that was the hardest on me actually recommended me for journalist of the year, which I got! At the time I was working for Ford Motor Company and I had an internship with Fox 2 News, so my resume was strong.

In addition, I went down to the Poynter’s Institute on a Fellowship which was a fantastic experience. I had writing coaches from a variety of prestigious newspaper companies. After that, I went back to Ford Motor Company briefly before I accepted an offer from the Democrat and Chronicle in Rochester.

How did you get into doing the On The Ladder?

When I was on the business desk the idea came up to create a feature on young professionals as a way to be an advocate for the younger generation in Rochester. They picked me because I’m a personable guy and I’m a young professional. It happened in February of 2008 and they wanted one every Sunday. At first, I was scared because I had no idea how I was supposed to feature a new person every Sunday, but we’ve only just started to feature the same profession more than once. It has gotten a lot of great feedback. In fact, some of the video footage we’ve shot for it has gotten some of the most hits on the website.

What do you see as your next step?

It’s most likely going to involve the young professionals’ community. We’re working on a few pieces right now which really focus on the problems faced by young professionals right now. For example, I’m currently working on a story talking about how lay offs are effecting us.

Some interesting facts I’ve learned about that have come from the labor department. Many young professionals are sticking around now because of the stability of the housing market and some of the other opportunities here. That’s been really cool to learn.

What do you enjoy the most about the paper?

The most fun part of the job is researching and writing cool stories, but there’s a balance because at the end of the day you’ve got to keep feeding the beast. So, it’s between doing stories you really want to do and just getting content out there. That’s a big challenge for this industry.

If it could happen with the snap of your fingers, what would you really want to be doing?

I’d really like to be on Good Morning America. After being in the industry for a little while, I realize that it takes a long, long time to get to a place like that, but in an ideal situation that would be fun. It would allow me to really bring out the lighter side of my personality.

We know journalists tend to move around quite a bit. Do you see yourself moving away from Rochester?

I really like it here. The way the industry is going, if you’re in a decent market the advice is to stay put for a bit. And, Rochester actually has some of the strongest numbers for Gannett, its parent company. We have one of the highest readerships of people who read us daily and on Sundays. So, people are reading my stuff. You can’t ask for anything more than that as a writer. We have about 230,000 readers, which is great market penetration for our market size.

What do you like to do in your free time?

I love traveling and cruising. Love to eat! My favorite food place in Rochester would be Esan on Park Avenue. They serve Thai Food. I really enjoy dressing up. So, I’ve got a ton of dress clothes; 15 suits and 75 ties. I’m trying to get to 100 ties by the end of this year. And, I love cars as well.

I grew up with a huge family so I never had to cook. Then, I moved away from them to Rochester and now I’ve got to cook for myself. That has really gotten me into gourmet cooking.

One unique thing about the atmosphere in Rochester is that the young people seem to get along very well. Coming from Detroit, I have seen a lot of prejudice. But, in Rochester I’ve got a diverse set of friends and we all really get along. I love it. That’s one thing that really comforts my family back home because I’m really getting along well here. When I moved, my friends came together and helped me move my stuff. We’re there for each other. The young people here are just fabulous. That is a real plus for Rochester.

What final advice would you like to give?

It takes both good and bad experiences to help a person develop their confidence. The bad experiences are almost worth more because it sometimes helps motivate you to strive for perfection.

Dan can be reached by email at: DJWALLAC@democratandchronicle.com.

Being a Social Person

By: Joseph Norman

“At the end of the day, if we don’t stick together, we’ll die alone.” - Horatio Caine in CSI: Miami

Your success is in large part leveraged to your ability to be a stand up, social person. I’m not necessarily talking about networking or relationship maintenance, but rather making an impact on people in social settings without an attachment to a desired result.

For example, let’s take a look at a classic scenario which we probably experience at least once a day. How are you interacting with cashiers? Are you showering them with bad vibes because you’re having a tough day? Do you even answer when they ask you, “How are you today?”

My guess is this. You’re probably just polite enough to feel content with the interaction. In other words, you aren’t necessarily present in the conversation and odds are you really aren’t that concerned with how that cashier’s day is really going. Today I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to go out of your way to make people smile. This situation is an opportunity to test your ability to be a stand up, social person.

What does it mean to be a “stand up, social person?” I’m sure you already know the conventional definition of being social, so we don’t need to dig into that. But, it’s important to explore what it means to be a “stand up” person because that’s not discussed as often.

When I say “stand up,” I don’t mean picking fights with people if they give you a nasty look or have differing opinions from you. Instead, I’m talking about doing the right thing in a situation, even if it goes against the norm. That could be anything from helping someone pick up the papers they dropped or asking a cashier how her day is and meaning it. That means more to someone than you realize. Having the confidence to go against the grain because it is the right thing to do, is what being a stand up person is all about.

Recently, I’ve been having fun by giving cashiers high fives. It's a little silly, I know. But, I simply do it to break their routine and put a smile on their face. Find your own unique way of making an impact and be aware of your surroundings.

What this all comes back to is opening yourself up to other people. Some are more introverted than others, and less “social," which is okay. But the truth is that a key to our fulfillment as human beings is the ability to establish meaningful connections. Your efforts to be a stand up, social person are going to help you fill that need. So, smile at strangers, start conversations with people you don’t know, and enjoy and appreciate the human element of the world we live in. You’ll be a better person for it.

Wherever You Are, Be There

By: Joseph Norman

"Each and everyday is what you make so try and always be right there." - Christine Baze

This is a brief missive about capturing each and every moment we live everyday. Are you often distracted? Sometimes, do you feel like even though you're there, you're not really there? Are you riding on the bus of your life, rather then driving it?

You know the look in someone's eyes when they are aloof or disengaged. It's glazed over and distant. You talk to them and you know that they're not completely there. How does that make you feel? On the flip side, when you're in conversation and you feel your mind drifting away, the voice of the person you are talking to becoming the background music to your daydream...

Are you being true to that moment?

Capturing moments like these is a way to find more fulfillment in your life. It's about feeling and experiencing the energy and vitality in your interactions with the world.

What are the feelings you get when you encounter a truly radiant person that is absolutely in the moment? Someone that you can just tell is right there feeling, loving, and appreciating the experience of the now. I've been blessed with the opportunity to interact with a few of them recently and here are my thoughts.

Interacting with a radiant person is a powerful experience because it challenges you to be there too and frightens you because you don't want to be blown out. You want to hold your ground.

This ability to be present is a rare quality, but it's one that can be truly profound in your interactions. Don't underestimate it. Hone it by taking a few steps.

Commit yourself to being there. Simply open yourself up to experiencing the moment fully by giving yourself permission to. Allow yourself to let the insecurities, doubts, worries, and distractions fall away. That self talk will put you in the right frame of mind.

Get out of your head and into your body. It is far too easy to over think the moment. Instead, feel yourself there and in it. Breathe into your body and let yourself experience it.

Go with the flow. Don't oversell the situation or stress out over a desired outcome. Enjoy it for what it is. That could be as simple as deep eye contact and a smile to a passerby.

Please note that the ability to live in the moment is not a hard science. It's a rather ethereal concept that cannot be mastered by a strict formula. My thoughts here are only suggestions inspired by how I try to let myself be present. I hope they help you live your days just a little bit better.

Holiday Honey Do List

By: Joseph Norman

Trouble figuring out what to do with yourself this holiday season? Does free time from your day job leave you in front of the television, puzzled about what to do next? Well, here's your Holiday Honey Do List to end your year right!

Forget working out, play Wii Fit. Who needs to fulfill that New Year's Resolution with an actual membership to the gym? The average person pays about $100 per month for a gym membership and only goes once every two weeks! Buy yourself a Nintendo Wii and save yourself the guilt.

Join Facebook. College students waste all kinds of time on social networking sites like Facebook. Why can't everyday working professionals as well?

Park your car in a snow bank. I tried this one about a week and a half ago. It gave me at least 36 hours of pure enjoyment. Please note, this may result in unexpected nature hikes back to your apartment, inability to use some of your extremities for a short period of time (i.e. your hands), and the opportunity to use heavy construction equipment to dig your automobile out.

Return unwanted gifts. You know you want to. Just chalk it up, be honest, and ask for the receipt. The money will probably be more useful to you anyway. Worst case, re-gift it or sell it on Craig's List!

Movie marathons. Rocky, Rambo, and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy are personal favorites. Take a few days, forget showering, and watch movies until your eyes go bloodshot or you can't stand your own stink anymore. It's as fantastic as it sounds. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself!

Travel to a foreign country. Ben just left for Chile for a week and a half. Ever thought about leaving America behind and taking the next plane to Japan? Some advise planning an excursion like this, I recommend spontaneity. Japan too scary? How about Mexico or Canada?

Organize a Nude Resolution 5k. Why are so many people against streaking? Is it a legal thing? Even more of a reason to organize an all nude 5k! Mix it up and give the people a little something different to get excited about. Feeling philanthropic? Donate the proceeds!

Build a snow fort. Upon completing your movie marathon, you may want to try to build a replica of a structure in the Battle of Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers or an Afghan village from Rambo 3.

Put on your Sunday best, than go to McDonalds. Enjoy some sophisticated banter with the staff about the seasonal Egg Nog shake, savor the flavor of an Oreo McFlurry, or pick something up off the value menu.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Sprinkling in an occasional slice of ridiculousness into your life is just as important as closing that next deal. Smile big, laugh hard, and enjoy yourself!

May you and yours have a fantastic start to the New Year!

Embracing Fear

By: Joseph Norman

Fear. It’s everywhere. We see it on the television when we come home from work. We hear it from media pundits in regards to our nation’s political and economic environment. For some, it leaves their guts in disarray when they contemplate how they are going to pay the bills this month. One way or another, fear pervades our lives. But, what I’m here to say today is that it doesn’t have to control you.

Fear, like the rest of your emotions, can be mastered. By that I do not mean avoided, simply harnessed for the good it has within it. You see all of the emotions we feel, good or bad, have an intention. It might be easy to assume that good feelings have positive intentions while bad feelings are meant to leave us distressed or discomforted. However, I would argue that all emotions ultimately have a positive intention.

You see, through our own fears we develop the will power to succeed. We get thrown against the wall and pressed harder and harder until we either break or start pushing back. A truth about the human spirit though, is that we never have to break. We can always, and I truly mean always, rise to the occasion.

So, I must ask, “What are you afraid of?” Write a list of five things that currently weigh on your mind and in your gut. I’m not talking about societal insecurities, but rather the highly personal fears that are ruling your daily activities. Mastering them will be a powerful stepping stone for you.

Now, how does one master their fears?

Acknowledge its presence. Often we deny the fear. The problem with denial is that it never leads to a solution. In fact, it only perpetuates the feeling in your life. As Carl Jung knowingly said, “What you resist persists.”

Embrace it. Breathe it deep into your body and really feel that it is there. Calmly, like a tranquil lake, become fully aware of the depth of the fear’s existence within you. The objective here is to clear the fog in your mind that envelopes the fear and causes your resistance.

Thank it for being there. As corny as this may sound, literally say, “Thank you,” to it. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way when it comes to understanding our own fears and insecurities.

Examine it. Ask it what its intention is for you. What does it want you to do? What is it stopping you from doing? Why might it be wrong? Why might it be right? Is why it might be right a reasonable answer or a complete farce?

Visualize beyond it. Imagine a day without that fear. If there were a miracle tonight while you sleep and dream, such that when you wake up in the morning everything about this part of your life is resolved, how would you feel? What would you see? Experience? How would you know that this miracle had taken place?

Brainstorm solutions. Now that you’ve seen, felt, and experienced a day beyond this particular fear, you have opened your mind to new possibilities. Explore them!

Rinse and repeat. Take the time to repeat this process until you feel complete control over the fear you worked on. Then, try it with the others.

Take control of your life. Become conscious of the emotions pervading your mind and body. Accept them and heed their advice!

Life Lessons from Horatio Caine

By: Joseph Norman

We all have our shows on television that we just can't miss. For some, it's 24. Jack Bauer is brilliant and so damn honorable. Others get a kick out of reality TV; American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. They love having the foresight to pick a David Cook from the beginning, or the stubbornness to insist that Kristi Yamaguchi should not have won in 2008. For me, it's CSI: Miami and the character Horatio Caine, played by the one and only David Caruso.

In an interview with the cast of CSI: Miami on the CBS Early Show, David admits the secret behind his scenes; "The glasses are very important, but it's how you enter the frame, deliver the line, and exit the frame." (CBS Early Show Clip). Jim Carrey, in a David Letterman interview confessed his captivation with Horatio's ability to "put the button on those scenes." (Jim Carrey Video) So, having watched countless episodes and vigorous YouTube videos, here's what you need to know about commanding a presence like Horatio Caine.

Speak low and slow. There is so much power held in the deliberate whisperer's use of their voice. You lean in so you can understand what they're saying and all the sudden you're in a near trance, with all your undivided attention on the speaker. That's how you get somebody to really listen.

Gain trust. Horatio's dedication to his code to "protect and serve" enables him to always be the good cop. People trust him because he's true to himself and the case he's working on. Win people's trust and you'll win their hearts.

Body language is everything. Horatio always cocks his head slightly, showing signs of deep contemplation, and delivers a penetrating gaze, but in a soft way. He never quite looks right at you which creates comfort, but also mystery. You can't help but come back for more.

Deliver memorable one-liners. "I am going to get to the truth." "Looks like we've found our man." "It looks like Miami has a new breed of criminal." "The verdict is in Frank, but the jury is out." "Looks like somebody had a bad day." Being memorable with your word choice and references always makes an impression. Adopt your own sayings and start to sprinkle them into your conversations. Subtly irony works wonders as well. (Some classics...)

Pause uncomfortably long. There's an incredible amount of tension created by deliberate pausing. You're listening to someone speak then all of the sudden they pause mid-sentence. You can't say anything because it would cut them off, but you also know they're not finished yet so you don't want to walk away. It truly creates magic and exercises your completely control of the conversation.

Use props. For Horatio it is the sunglasses. Adopt your own style and use it to spice up your life. It could be a certain piece of jewelry, a way you wear a particular type of clothing, or always having on fantastic shoes. Single out a part of your appearance, kick it up a notch, and make it memorable.

Make your point and walk away. Don't wait for a comeback. Nearly every scene that Horatio is in, he finishes, leaving no room for a rebuttal. The lesson: Always leave people wanting more. It keeps them coming back.

Who says we can't learn a thing or two from pop culture television? Tap into your inner Horatio Caine this week and see what kind of difference it makes in your life. Even if it's just for a few laughs.